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Friday, December 02, 2005

Things to do when you're stuck in an elevator!

Today a contributor to TJB got stuck on the second floor of the works elevator, so we thought it appropriate to blog this...

1. Ask people on the elevator if they've seen the first part of the movie Speed.

2. Push all the floor buttons. At every floor, get out, look around, mutter, ``Looks okay so far,'' and get back in.

3. Put notices in the elevators that read ``Last Inspection: Passed. Next Inspection Due: Jan 87''

4. Use physics to determine how fast the elevator will be going if it free-falls from the top floor.

5. Countdown ``5...4...3...2...1'' and then suddenly duck.

6. Get on the elevator at the top floor and ask, ``Going down?''

7. Keep muttering, ``I hope it doesn't happen again...''

8. Have a friend with you, but act like he's a complete stranger. After a while, turn to him and say, ``Wanna trade?'' Then promptly trade wallets.

9. Replace the 3 on the third floor button with the Greek letter pi.

10. Put on a crash helnet, and take one of those mini-trampolines into an elevator. Stand on the trampoline, then say to a friend holding the emergency phone, ``Ok, Dave, I'm ready. Let 'er RIP!'' (This doesn't quite make sense, but hey, you can't have everything.)

11. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, ``Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!''

12. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.

13. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.

14. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.

15. Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.

16. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.

17. Announce in a demonic voice, ``I must find a more suitable host body.''

18. Wear ``X-Ray Specs'' and leer suggestively at other passengers.

19. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask, ``Got enough air in there?''


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