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Monday, February 09, 2009

Second Life


In a flash of inspiration it's come to me, you should be able to exchange your life for another. Now I'm not talking about whacking some pubbie amd stealing his identity, more being able to transfer your life to another area.

OK, not very clear, I play an MMPORG called Eve Online, and have done for the last 5 years or more. Wouldn't it be cooler if you could transfer your existence into that game environment? Sure, downtimes sould be a PITA as you'd suddenly lost all knowledge, or you could always work your schedules around 23 hours per day, but how cool would it be to be sipping mohitas on the bridge of your spacecraft, or banging that bit of tail in second life - whatever floats your boat really, but, instead of having to switch off and go back to the drudge of work, stay there with your countless billions with hot and cold running exotic dancers.

Yeah OK, it's kind of childish escapism - here's one that isn't.

Employers should allow all long-term workers to have a 6-month break. I was thinking about it this morning. I've been in gainful employment since the age of 16, and have another 25 useful years to an employer. Truth is I'm fucking knackered and could really do with a break. Sure, it's a bit whiney and shit, but, think about it. Half way through your productive working life, you should get a nice holiday, I mean fuck me, students get to do it in Uni and they're only there a few years, I've been doing this shit for nearly 25.

Then you can happily come back to work for the next couple of decades knowing you've had a riot for 6 months, nah, fuck it, make it a year. I'll happily piss away a year of retirement for a year off now. Seriously. It's not like I'm planning on doing anything when I retire except maybe smelling slightly of piss and getting drunk lots.
Discuss.

Wednesday, February 04, 2009

Quote of the day..

Jammy: Some of these users need a good shake.

Grimster: Yeah - like Baby P

Tuesday, February 03, 2009

MANGA HEAD!


I'm growing fur on my head.

It's true and something I've not done for 20 odd-years but does have the advantage of indicating what an old fart I'm becoming with lots of grey coming out - gawd - anyone would think I was properly old.

So - I was thinking of going MANGA! I've sworn not to cut it for a year - mainly because I can and have limited options for new years resolutions not being a smoker anymore (just over 4 years tab-free) so was thinking along the lines of "Super Saiyan" manga-head peroxide blonde.
How compatible this will be with the office working environment I'm not sure as the only person in the history of the company to be so radical with hair-colouring was Kimbo, and that was a reddish-brown on black and not that noticeable, in fact he was the one in the office with any fashion sense at all outside the "creative" advertising department.... Until he pissed his rep away when he traded down from a Lexus to a Subaru of course.

My only worry is once I do it I'll need to either keep doing it - or cut it all off again...

Mid-life crisis? You bet!

Monday, February 02, 2009

Rude-emoticons

So while shamelessly wasting company time and chatting up my workmates, we stumbled across a nice collection of rude-emoticons. You're all familiar with the internet standard :) :( :P >:( type things. But we took it to another level. While some have been done before, we we're very proud of ourselves non the less.

( . )( . ) = boobs

( o )( o ) = boobs that are happy to see you

(_|_) = bottom

(_o_) = experienced bottom

(_0_) = FinFL bottom (private joke)

(_*_) = morning after bottom

(|) = Front bum

( Y ) = Front bum MrkII

<======3 = wang

~~~~~<======3 = very happy wang

And as if this debauchery wasn't bad enough, we then started on the rude maths. Oh yes, but I’ll leave that to your imagination!

Post your own, via comments!

Holy back from the dead Batman!!

Jesus Christ riding a unicycle, its been bloody ages since we posted anything on here. Today i get a google spam mail telling me some fucknut (*looks at grim) has resent me my password. Hint-iddy-hint-hint!

So here i am, once again polluting your minds with my disgraceful spelling, substandard grammar foul mouthed, twisted humour posting!! Fucking A!

You'll all be glad to know that during my sabbatical i have become even more of a interwebs meme machine, so expect me to be posting lolcats, mudkips and generally being in your base killing your dudes.

It'll take a while for me to warm up. In the meantime, have some Foamy to remind you all of my awesome rants!



Sno-Way!


Yeah - Cheesy but WTF is wrong with this shitty country - a little bit of frozen precipitation and the whole world goes to shit.
This is where I should be whining on about "when I was a lad it was proper snowy" - which it was etc. but it seems we've forgotten totally how to travel in cold conditions.


I was in Iceland just over a year ago, proper ice storms 'n everything and there was dudes going around eating ice-cream from a shop there called snaeland! Now that's hardcore! In Finland you can't pass your driving test unless you've done proper skid-pan training.


We suck hard.

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Awesome video of the day

CBA posting today - so you just get this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B6FmSRvdM0A

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Awesome video of the day

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kgdyBvHdNKY

Enjoy.

Fuck You Shiela's Wheels!


Over the past couple of months when the weather has been particularly crappy I've been hitching a lift into work from Mrs. Grim, primarily because I've forsaken 4 wheels and banished cars from my ownership.

Often I find the need to amuse myself whilst on the log-jammed crappily phased traffic light junctions, to do so I tend to focus on how shit other people are at driving. This started innocently enough with, "oh look - that lady doesn't appear to know the dimensions of her vehicle and is tentatively creeping around the side of the bus with a 12-foot gap to her left stopping up all the traffic behind her" but quickly degenerated to me shouting "COCK-JOCKEY!!" and whinnying like a horse whilst bouncing up and down on my seat holding imaginary reigns.

Quite how this progression came about I'm not really sure, but I found it amusing - unlike my better half who scowls her displeasure at me.

Anyway I digress - an upshot of this is I make a "pretend" mark on the dashboard - one when a male driver does something particularly stupid, another when a female driver does the same.
The rules are - Mrs. Grim has to ignore my virtual galloping on the passenger seat and pass comment herself on the proficiency of the other cage pilot, I then note whether it's a lady or a chap.

Fact. Women are shit drivers - over a deeply scientific study of 2 months - women doing silly things on the road outweigh men 8 to 2.

Now it might just be that we happen to take a route that is heavily populated by women taking their little precious to school at that particular time in the chelsea tractor - but I'd like to think that we pass through a good slice of the daily commuting population confirming what most blokes have known for many years.

Fuck you Sheila's Wheels.

GPS Magic

I'm perpetually obsessed with GPS devices. Here's a tip for all you tomtom owners who might want to use Google maps to plot iteneraries.

http://www.houghi.org/tomtom/

Plot your route in Google maps - this has a new feature where you can pull your directions around - properly awesome.

Go to that site and paste the map link.

Retreive resulting tomtom itinerary.

Profit!

Why can't the manufacturers of these things pick this up? Easily accessible online route mapping for the win.

Charging - my arse


Congestion charging in Manchester.

HA! Take that bitches!

I profess to not really caring, when the original bumph about the congestion charge for Manchester came in I was all WTF because there was absolutely no mention of motorcycles which annoyed me a little, so much so I drafted a letter to Manchester transport pointing out that as motorcycles are statistically a non-congesting form of transport they may want to consider a change of title from "congestion charge" to "tax".

A month or two later the next flurry of self-promoting for this tax dropped through the door and motorcycles were exempt from the charge - much better for me, but you've pissed me off now and I'm voting against.

This was a fine example of our "leaders" being totally out of touch to the wants of the common bloke in the street, to spend so much money planning and promoting something that plainly wasn't wanted in the first place is a flagrant abuse of the tax pound, it'd be nice if they had to pay the fucking lot back from their own wallets - that'd get them out asking people before making idiot decisions but there are no penalties. The 3 no-voting councils should be patted on the back.

Hint: People are getting pissed off with being your cash-cows - stop milking.

Bastards.

Sorry about your train station Jammy - no bacon butties for you!

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Duuhhh absolutely basically......


What the hell is going on with the English language at the moment. Now I'll never profess to be a mental giant in my grammar and vocabulary but WTF??!!

I was watching the news the other day - yeah I know it's drab and grey - but every person they spoke to in the street came out with the word "basically" at least 5 times whilst trying to explain something and the word "absolutely" appears to have replaced "yes"

STOP! It's basically absolutely a-fucking-nnoying.

And please don't get me on about what passes for "popular music" these days - and there it goes - that comment just made me officially an old twat.

Shit.

Basically I'm off to fucking sulk.

Absolutely.

Back from the dead...


And fuck it - I'm gonna post for a bit I think, having remembered my password for this infernal area I thought it was about time I posted something whilst shooting POS in EvE (if you've ever done fleet POS ops then you know what hell this can be).

So what's new?

Well, it's definately been a while - the baby Puggs was referring to is now at university reading ancient eastern languages apart from that- not much - got a couple of new bikes which is nice, went to Denmark on my Buell XB12s - which was a blast (literally) and then got rid of the bike for a Honda VFR and heard 3 weeks later that the Buell had thrown a crank bolt or somesuch - oh well....

Newsflash - I've become sociable. It's true - I'm often seen at the works monthly swaree, often inebriated and full of curry. Things are pretty OK at the moment.

Just noticed the image is referring to the EU Constitution - remember - that's the thing the great British public were promised a referendum on until 'ol wobblegob Broon got his greasy mitts on the thing. But this isn't a rant post - more a hello - welcome and expect some ranting.

Toodle pip.

Friday, December 28, 2007

Update This, Update That

Just thought I'd throw a little tantrum on here while I'm not so busy. Reason I'm not so busy is because all fuckin morning my laptop has be spitting out little speech bubbles, saying update available for this, update available for that, and each fuckin one of em wants me to restart my laptop, some don't even give me an option, it's either restart or do fuck all...





And to top it all off I come on blogger to rant and WTF I get another speech bubble telling me blogger now saves your drafts automatically. If your gonna piss users off you should do it proper, if find a good old windows alert box does the job no end!!! And if I see any of those today I may go postal...

Friday, December 21, 2007

Where’s my bloody baby??




Well short answer, where I left him I guess. But its not funny anymore, at the time of writing he’s wedged firmly between my wife’s pelvic bones (I vaguely recall where this is and what it felt like) and is showing no sign what so ever of making the last mad dash for the exit.

The little Puggster is now 5 days overdue and showing a total disinterest in the outside world. Even after the butch, rug munching midwife went elbows deep and tried to fetch him out by his ears the little git still won’t budge. (And the wife wouldn’t even let me watch, ftl)

So here I am, back in work without even the remotest chance of a pissup over Christmas due to being on 24 hour standby. Where was I going with this? Oh yeah, come out you little shit!! I tired of waiting!!

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

One word work review

Todays one word work review is:

FuckingChristmasCards!

Is it really christmas?

Don't you just love the weather!

Check this weather report

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Happy Teeth

Is it just me or has anyone else noticed that the dental profession has to promote it's wares as being "Fun"?
Whenever you look for anything on the web dental related you are presented with "Fun Dental Facts" which on the face of it could be good but are in reality shit.

There are only 10 of these "fun" facts in the world, most of which really are not "fun".
Example - "Did you know 85% of halitosis sufferers have a dental issue causing the problem"?

WTF - when was that a "fun fact"? For me fun facts usually involve but not restricted to such things as bisexual Norse goddesses munching rug and me or Eve Online Trinity, not the current percentage of people with bad breath.

The actual reality is that it's a bloody and horrid place to have to go if you've not looked after yourself and need real treatment.

And of course we're assuming you can actually get a NHS dentist - I couldn't but it was probably the best move I ever made to be pushed into going private, treated like the esquire I in fact am, nothing is too much bother and I swear the hygenist lass has a special kinky "nurse dress" just especially for private patients - raawwwwlll.
You know the type - brunette tied up hair, glasses, she'll sweep them off and her hair falls out and she licks her lips.... afk a min - need the bog...

Aehm.... anyway... Sure - the bill is horrific but it's in their interest to coax you through the door as they can earn 3 times what they do with the NHS faceless factory slots, recommended A+++! All healthcare should work on the same have and have nots basis.

I guess it does - glad work has a BUPA plan.

Win.

Monday, December 17, 2007

Don't do it!

DO NOT under ANY circumstances google "2 Girls 1 Cup"

Seriously, unless you never wanna see another chocolate fudge sundae again.

NOT WORKSAFE - Don't do it!

Sunday, December 16, 2007

Uh-Oh

Just found my logon.....

More soon (TM)