100 things not to do if you are a fictional character No.6

'Nice place to die...'

This is a warning to people with any of the following skill sets...

...the ability to climb big mountains, an in-depth knowledge of dinosaurs, a history of decrypting ancient lost languages, a detailed biography of an obscure Russian General with far-right tendencies, the ability to drill big holes in ice faster than anyone else on earth or are an expert computer hacker...

...if you are approached by a mysterious man from a large multi-national corporation or a clandestine Government organisation, refuse any offer of aid/large sums of cash in return for a few days of your time on a expedition to a remote island location.

The next few days of your life will almost certainly involve a race against time to save the earth from utter destruction, foil a bank robbery/coup plot or save the life of yourself and your young family whilst simultaneously rescuing a bus full of hostages.

This is especially true if you are the third such expedition to be sent to the island, even though disaster stuck each of the other two. If the man funding the expedition uses the term '...most advanced equipment and technology money can buy...' run like fuck!