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Friday, March 31, 2006

4 X 4

So I've been hurting since yesterday, in order to put my motorbike on it's overnight hidey hole, as I can't turn it around in the yard, I have to lift up the arse-end and scoot it around before getting it through the doorway.Click - back pulled... Pissed tbh - but got me thinking, surely we should still be running around on all fours, makes little sense to be constantly falling forward (think about it while you're walking), and let's face it - it'd be a lot better for several reasons...

Glass backs - if you didn't have to lift stuff up all the time, you wouldn't hurt yourself so much (yes you could do a "how to pick stuff up" course but no-one pays any attention to that anyways).
Disease - nature would bring infection out of your lungs if you're almost horizontal most of the time, this is why dogs can drink from puddles of urine and not die - probably.
Speed - all the fast land animals on the planet can generally get around at a greater rate of knots than we can apart from the possible exception of emu's and turtles.
Maybe there's something in this, but I can imagine the repercussions of suddenly deciding to whizz around on all fours (besides the quick if amusing fitting for a no-smoking jacket), and barring the fact that I don't necessarily want to drink from a puddle of urine, I can think of cool applications.Turnstiles wouldn't be a worry anymore - so it's into the togger/tube/insert place here for free. In fact if you did go to a sporting event on all fours (assuming you've not been fitted for the afore-mentioned no-smoking jacket) you might get to sit at the front of the crowds and get a stewards-eye view of the action (and chase the ball in half-time).Dinnertimes would be cool too, no longer would you be shackled by the need to use cutlery, just slobber it straight off the plate, making a total mess of things.Sexual contact - if there's no four-legged (genetically compatable you fecking retards) totty about, you can just reach over and service yourself without comment.

To be honest I'm just seeing win/win here.


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