Coming for you!

Don’t birthdays piss you off?? It's bad enough that you have to endure one yourself where everyone who supposedly cares for you decides to take the opportunity to remind you that you're a year closer to death by sending you cards with gift voucher for shops you don't shop at in. But enduring other peoples is just taking the Mickey! I mean what’s it all about, the whole 'it’s his/her birthday' get out clause that allows people to inflict themselves on you in the most inconvenient manor?

"You’ve got to come, it’s her birthday"

"I know you don’t like the music in that club and it’s full of cunts, but it’s his birthday"

"I know you’re allergic to seafood but it’s her birthday"

"I know you’ve just had open-heart surgery, but it’s her birthday!"

FUCK OFF!!

And as if that's bad enough once you get into a long term relationship you have to start enduring birthdays for peoples who aren’t even in your monkeysphere! There’s nothing like sitting down for a meal with 4 other couples who you don’t know to make your evening fly! Especially when the females (who all know each other and have conspired secretly to put you in this situation in the first place) start 'popping some shapes' on the dance floor and leave you to attempt to make conversation with the other poor rejects left drinking in the corner. So of course you end up getting twated on Stella to pass the time and then have to endure a weekend of stony silence for ‘Showing her up in front of her friends’.

I mean it’s not your fault no one appreciated you’re talking anus trick, is it??

Birthdays! Fuck em!