Update This, Update That

Just thought I'd throw a little tantrum on here while I'm not so busy. Reason I'm not so busy is because all fuckin morning my laptop has be spitting out little speech bubbles, saying update available for this, update available for that, and each fuckin one of em wants me to restart my laptop, some don't even give me an option, it's either restart or do fuck all...





And to top it all off I come on blogger to rant and WTF I get another speech bubble telling me blogger now saves your drafts automatically. If your gonna piss users off you should do it proper, if find a good old windows alert box does the job no end!!! And if I see any of those today I may go postal...

Where’s my bloody baby??

Well short answer, where I left him I guess. But its not funny anymore, at the time of writing he’s wedged firmly between my wife’s pelvic bones (I vaguely recall where this is and what it felt like) and is showing no sign what so ever of making the last mad dash for the exit.

The little Puggster is now 5 days overdue and showing a total disinterest in the outside world. Even after the butch, rug munching midwife went elbows deep and tried to fetch him out by his ears the little git still won’t budge. (And the wife wouldn’t even let me watch, ftl)

So here I am, back in work without even the remotest chance of a pissup over Christmas due to being on 24 hour standby. Where was I going with this? Oh yeah, come out you little shit!! I tired of waiting!!

One word work review

Todays one word work review is:

FuckingChristmasCards!

Is it really christmas?

Don't you just love the weather!

Check this weather report

Happy Teeth

Is it just me or has anyone else noticed that the dental profession has to promote it's wares as being "Fun"?
Whenever you look for anything on the web dental related you are presented with "Fun Dental Facts" which on the face of it could be good but are in reality shit.

There are only 10 of these "fun" facts in the world, most of which really are not "fun".
Example - "Did you know 85% of halitosis sufferers have a dental issue causing the problem"?

WTF - when was that a "fun fact"? For me fun facts usually involve but not restricted to such things as bisexual Norse goddesses munching rug and me or Eve Online Trinity, not the current percentage of people with bad breath.

The actual reality is that it's a bloody and horrid place to have to go if you've not looked after yourself and need real treatment.

And of course we're assuming you can actually get a NHS dentist - I couldn't but it was probably the best move I ever made to be pushed into going private, treated like the esquire I in fact am, nothing is too much bother and I swear the hygenist lass has a special kinky "nurse dress" just especially for private patients - raawwwwlll.

You know the type - brunette tied up hair, glasses, she'll sweep them off and her hair falls out and she licks her lips.... afk a min - need the bog...

Aehm.... anyway... Sure - the bill is horrific but it's in their interest to coax you through the door as they can earn 3 times what they do with the NHS faceless factory slots, recommended A+++! All healthcare should work on the same have and have nots basis.

I guess it does - glad work has a BUPA plan.

Win.

Don't do it!

DO NOT under ANY circumstances google "2 Girls 1 Cup"

Seriously, unless you never wanna see another chocolate fudge sundae again.

NOT WORKSAFE - Don't do it!

Uh-Oh

Just found my logon.....

More soon (TM)

Where is the......

FOOKING LOVE?????

Why am i the only one posting fucktards?

Well?

How true!

Journey of a Man: Our destiny

When I was 14, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend.

When I was 16, I got a girlfriend, but there was no passion, so I decided I needed a passionate girl with a zest for life.

In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency; she was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed a girl with stability.

When I was 25, I found a very stable girl but she was boring. She was totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life became so dull that I decided that I needed a girl with some excitement.

When I was 28, I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She did mad impetuous things and made me miserable as often as happy. She was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless. So I decided to find a girl with some real ambition.

When I turned 31, I found a smart ambitious girl with her feet planted firmly on the ground and married her. She was so ambitious that she divorced me and took everything I owned.

I am now older and wiser, and am looking for a girl with really big tits.

Jesus! It's only 1pm and I’m already clock watching. Its all my own fault, having stayed up to watch the Ricky Hatton fight on Sunday morning I spent all over Sunday daytime in bed nursing a nice little hangover, now I’ve been up all night again trying to encourage the missus to go into labour so i could start my paternity leave in time for the Christmas break. As a result I’m totally zombied with a pile of work to do. I think it might be time for some evasive manoeuvres. I used to book myself into a meeting room and go to sleep on the desk. But this place being ‘open office’ I guess I better pass on that one. I can already hear the steady humming of the server room calling me…

Do they know it's Christmas?

Well, I've just clocked over 12 months living down under. Normally this time of year I'm used to the dark, grim, wet and cold weather of Manchester. Yet now I'm getting used to the oven like days of hot and baking temperatures. It just doesn't feel like christmas out here! Houses have christmas decorations but the god damm sun is beaming down. WTF are people doing wearing santa hats with there speedos and bikinis (Actually the sheilas dont look too bad!)? Am I sounding like a whinging pom? Nah not me... give me the sun anyday FTMFW! Just thought I'd let you guys know the weather is not bad down here ;-)

Don't forget to Slip Slop Slap!!!

Yahtzee!!

If you're anything at all like me you're sick to death of reading the same sycophantic reviews of computer games, all of which seem to contract some kind of mass ass-licking hysteria every time the new FOTM game comes out (see Halo 3, yawn!) So it's a breath of fresh air to listen to the reviews of Yahtzee, a 'British-born, currently Australian-based writer and gamer with a sweet hat and a chip on his shoulder.'

This guys constant deluge of rant makes me laugh out loud in the middle of my office and look like a complete twat, as opposed to the partial one i am normally. Enjoy!

Linkage

Not going down without a fight....

...oh yes he is!

Watch this pretty amazing video as a couple of cops chase down a guy wanted for multiple shootings. The dodgy 'america's most wanted' voice-over is cringable up until the comedy gold moment right at the very end.

Holy Google Research Batman!!

My password still works! I am a happy chap!

Well thats not 100% true. There was a brief moment of tin-foil-hattery as I realised that Google will now have a detailed knowledge of all my internets rambling in addition to their vast and undoubtedly disturbing knowledge of my search habbits. But then I thought ‘hey, at least its not facebook!’

Besides, I’d like to see them customise adverts directly into my internets-box based on the marketing research I’ve provided them with over the years. I don’t think they’ve got the grapes!

Anyway, I’m here for a reason. Once again I have made an attempt to rally the troops and get this old blog back up and running. Watch this space and expect to see some more random profanity, verbal rantage, poor spelling/grammar, NSFW and links to the deepest, darkest, most forgotten parts of the internet.

Cya soon! 0/